A blessing in disguise.......

All my life, I always thought that one of the most difficult things for me would be to handle loneliness. People often tell me I am the extrovert kind and I guess I can attribute the fear of loneliness to that coupled with the fact that I am a compulsive talker and need people around me. However, of late I think I have managed to come out of this phobia and that too without losing anything, rather gaining a lot.

It all started quite a while back when I chose to stay alone, aloof and isolated - not completely though but yes to quite an extent. I remember a few nights of my life when I used to simply get dead drunk and go down to Worli Sea face (an sea facing area in Mumbai) at 2-3 in the night. For no reason ofcourse and then used to sit there all by myself, the sea and my wandering thoughts for hours at stretch. It wasnt the most happening period of my life and I used to think over a lot of things (some required, some not required). Therein I noticed that if you keep looking at the same thing for a very long time, you get to see a lot more than you want to or could normally. A natural instinct I believe. For example, on one such night, I saw a sea gull who was trying very hard to fly against the wind but kept failing at each attempt as the wind was very strong. It was tired after trying for an hour or so but didnt let go and finally waited for some time on the ground before taking its successful leap.
On another occassion, I was having a day with the waves crashing against the rocks, they got bigger and bigger and then shrunk in an opposite sequence. Whatever the strength of the waves, I felt that the water somehow was in love with the sea and wanted to go back to it without wasting a moment. Something very silly, very commonplace (One might say, ofcourse it does so - thats why you have water in the sea). Agreed but I dont know why but just applying these things to ones life and incidents around you might give you a new perspective of things. A lot of things..... Some I have managed to decipher and decode, some still await an understanding.

So I took to isolation (to an extent) as a remedy. I thought probably it is the worst way to counter a situation but actually it turned out otherwise. I could see a lot of things with a new found objectivity which probably lacked earlier. Learnt a few things that I did not know earlier, broke some of the misconceptions that I had (about me as well as many other things)... but most importantly I had a reinvented belief in life and moreso in the superior power that guides us. I think all this while, I was fighting life but I guess that aint the way to go.... You can walk together and make a lot more out of it rather than being a misguided revolutionary......

I dont know whether it actually worked for me or not but YES I do know that I am at peace with myself. I am more happy and contented now with a new outlook to things and I guess that is reason enough for me to have a smile on my face..... :)